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Written by Bam Amornrat Kiatkamonmal (BS 25)

Before I begin, I want to ask you something: What is faith? And is it worth dying for?

As a girl who spent the first 15 years of my life in Thailand, where almost everyone and everything is Buddhist, these are life-defining questions. These are the questions my brother-in-law asked me six years ago after bringing me home from the SAT exam. Somehow, they were harder for me to answer than any of the questions on the exam I just took. 

Knowing A Merit-Based Religion

Growing up, I was raised in a strict Buddhist family. We went to the temple, made merit, and hoped to get to heaven, praying that karma wouldn’t catch us. Heaven was something we had to work for. Every single action, word, and thought would be judged. We prayed in a language I didn’t even understand. It felt like endless work with no guarantee of rest or reward. 

Nobody seemed to question the tradition, so neither did I, until a very special family welcomed me as their own and introduced me to Christ.

When I came to the U.S. as a junior in high school, it was supposed to be a one-year thing. I would never have guessed (spoiler alert) I would be here seven and a half years later. But somehow, I was placed with the most loving family I could have ever asked for: the people I call mom, dad, and siblings, who treat me just like one of their own. Yes, they are also Christian, but they never forced that on me. I attended church, volunteered, and even went on a mission trip. I did everything my parents did, just because I felt like I should. 

All of these faithful actions slowly became part of my life, especially after I decided to stay in the U.S. to finish high school. I first noticed the shift in my faith when I wanted to go on a mission trip during my senior year, but I was rejected by the international student coordinator. I came back and sat crying in the corner of my room, intentionally praying to God for the first time that He would allow me to go. The next day, I received an unexpected phone call informing me that the decision had changed: I could go on the trip. Through that experience, I began to think that maybe God not only exists, but He is also watching over me. 

Experiencing Faith-Based Education

When it came time to decide on a college, I applied to many, but none really stood out to me. I had four conditions: I wanted to be close to my parents’ house; I wanted to study business and film; I desired small classes; and I preferred not to live in a big city. 

To be honest, ���Ĵ�ý was not on my radar at all since it is a Christian college offering faith-based education. However, it met all of my conditions, and I was especially drawn in by the film studies program that would allow me to study in Los Angeles for a semester. I met virtually with ���Ĵ�ý’s international admissions counselor, Ben Miles, who joined the call from Thailand. After meeting with him, I had a very strong feeling that ���Ĵ�ý was the school I should attend. However, I was concerned about attending a Christian college, given my different religious background. 

If you know me, you know I am terribly indecisive. However, after speaking with my host parents, going to ���Ĵ�ý just seemed like the right decision. Why? I still can’t explain it to this day. But looking back now, I know it was the right decision. ���Ĵ�ý was the school God chose for me. I had no idea what was ahead of me at the time, but looking back today, I can only chuckle and thank God for His plan, because I definitely did not see it coming. 

While I was immersed in faith-based education at ���Ĵ�ý, I had a different perspective from most people since I still considered myself a Buddhist. But it was an ideal place for me to learn the definition of faith. With the combination of being at ���Ĵ�ý and having my host family by my side, I gradually found myself praying to God and realizing how He is present in my life. But I still wrestled with how the God of the Bible conflicted with Buddhism. 

During my senior year at ���Ĵ�ý, I took the core class Christianity and Critical Thinking with . The course, which examines the beliefs of philosophers throughout the centuries and their impact on modern Christianity, is either met with sheer fascination or boredom. For me, it helped me work through the areas where Christianity and Buddhism conflicted. One of the required books for the course is “Mere Christianity” by C.S. Lewis. That book was like a key to a secret door for me. It somehow unlocked my brain and clarified the questions I had about God. Things started to come together, but I still did not want to commit because I felt like I was not good enough. I feared I would mess up and God would just throw me out the window. 

Then, in my final semester at ���Ĵ�ý, I had a free slot in my schedule to take a ceramics class, which I had been trying to take since I started college. In the very first class, Professor Cindy Bryan told us that God is like a potter, and we are the clay. He throws us on the wheel and works on us with love. Even when we spin off-center, He gently puts us back in the bucket and reworks us, again and again, until we become one of His masterpieces. Somehow, that lesson gave me comfort — a type of comfort I could never find as a Buddhist. 

By the time I had completed my faith-based education at ���Ĵ�ý, I knew I wanted to become a Christian. But at the same time, it felt like my whole past was collapsing. Would it be okay? What would happen if I had to go back to Thailand? Would I be a good enough follower of Him? I kept asking myself these questions again and again. 

During that time, I was also stressed about not being able to find a job, which meant I would have to return to Thailand sooner than planned. In the midst of all those questions and “What ifs?”, one day, it hit me. No matter where I end up, I will get to see the family God has given me over the past seven years again in heaven — all I have to do is accept Him. That day, I decided to follow Christ, and a weight was lifted from my shoulders.

I wish I could say life suddenly got easier after becoming a Christian, but that just wouldn’t be true. In fact, it has been a challenge, as I am now forced to return to Thailand and must be apart from the family and friends God has given me for almost eight years. 

In the midst of all this, I realize that this is what faith is for. I need to have faith in God and trust that He has a plan. 

So here I return to the question my brother-in-law asked me six years ago, when the SAT exam was the biggest of my concerns: What is faith?

Today, I would tell him faith is not a fancy word you mention when everything is going great; it is something you lean on when everything else seems to be going down, because His plan will always be good, even when we cannot see it. 

Wondering what it means to be a Christian college? Read this blog to find out!

Learn more about ���Ĵ�ý’s faith-based education.